Just Relax!!!

I thought I would take the time to write a blog and address the issue of Stress and Infertility, because one of the most common things I have heard in our years of TTC is "Relax, you're trying to hard." Really?? Trying too hard?? How exactly do you try too hard?? Is taking ovulation inducing drugs, trying too hard, when you don't ovulate?? Or is IUI trying to hard?? Or what about the 3 years before you seek medical help that you have unprotected sex and never get pregnant, were you trying to hard even then, before you were even trying?? I wonder about that. I know that people mean well but telling someone to relax doesn't really make them want to relax, It makes you upset because they can never understand your struggle and because you already feel inadequate and it justifies your feelings even more that something is wrong with you. Or how about the ones that do understand your struggle and they still say that?? Are others getting pregnant because they are relaxing or is it really just the law of averages?? Everything averages out in the end. If you never get pregnant will it always be because you tried too hard?? I never really thought you could try too hard for anything, for love, for family, for friends or for faith. Is there something to this Relax and it will happen, build it and they will come??

Discovery Health says:

Can stress cause infertility?
In rare cases, extreme stress can interfere with normal ovulation in women and may reduce sperm production in men. However, while it's possible for stress to cause infertility, it's far more common for infertility to cause stress. According to the ASRM, "infertility can be a major crisis because the important life goal of parenthood is threatened." For couples who aren't immediately successful in their efforts to conceive, stress-reduction techniques can help keep this anxiety in check.

I have tons more quotes from articles from places like the APA and other organizations, but who I am kidding no one wants to read a bunch of quotes from medical journals and websites. Not to mention the amount of false information on the Internet today that can debunk any real credible sources I come up with. So here we are back where we started. I think the main important thing to say is I know you're well meaning and I know you may not understand where I have been or where I am going. I honestly thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts for us. If you feel that need to contact me and let me know how you feel Please do!! I love to hear from people and know that they are reading my blog. The main reason I started this is because when I first started TTC there was not much information on the computer from real people that had been through it. I want to have a record of every procedure and everything I went through, for all those other people struggling, how ever our struggle may end.

I would like to add some things you should never say to someone who is TTC, you may not realize it but your well meaning comments can cause a lot of pain for someone who feels worthless or like they can't do something that they want more than anything.

1. Do not tell them they are young and have a lot of child bearing years left, so they shouldn't worry about it.
2. Do not tell them that they should just wait and enjoy the childless time they have.
3. Do not tell them to relax or to take a vacation and then it will happen.
4. Do not tell them that if it's meant to be, it will happen.
5. Don't minimize the Problem.
6. Don't say "There are Worse Things That Could Happen or there are worse things you could be going through."
7. Don't Say that Maybe they aren't meant to be parents.
8. Don't offer Unsolicited Opinions about your feelings on IVF.
9. Don't complain about your pregnancy.
10. Don't treat them like they are ignorant.
11. Don't Push Adoption.

What's the most important thing you can do for your infertile friend??
Support them, let them know you're there for them and love them.

As for me, I am still having pain from cysts and started bleeding today. My doctor is going to see me on Monday, and James is going with me. We are going to decide whether or not to move on to an RE or not. I pretty much have decided we are going to, but it wont be for awhile, since it's not covered by insurance I have to wait until we have a little extra money to afford it. We will be seeing one in Houston which isn't so bad since it's only an hour away. So here we are. So leave me comments let me know what you think, even if you think I'm a ranting crazy person. Which I can admit sometimes I am!! Hormones! What else can I say??


Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown