Do You Believe in Magic?

I had a psychic reading done by a "baby" psychic who I heard about on a message board I belong too called soulcysters. I have been waiting for her to get back to me for a couple weeks and finally she did my reading. I wanted to share it here. Maybe it will be true, maybe it won't, but it was a really interesting and fun thing to do. Check out her blog at http://www.iamcheri22.blogspot.com/

Here is her reading to me:

Thanks for being patient with me while I got back to your reading. Now in regards to your losses, I would ask if you have had a blood test and found out if your "nutrients" levels are low? I have no idea what that means, but its showing me that something is "low" when it comes to a blood test that they need to work on so that you can carry your pregnancies. Hopefully this is the right interpretation.
They are showing me a GIRL and they relate her to NOVEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in
They show someone who is very easy to please, someone who is a good friend to many and just so happy all of the time. Shes very social, and usually invited to a lot of birthday parties. I think that you will find that other kids just find her to be always really happy and just a lot of fun to be around.
I think that your going to find that shes always really tall for her age, shes someone who tends to wear clothes that fit her body and make her feel comfortable. They show her loving blue jeans, and shirts that are just a bit longer. Shes not one for long sleeves and will always prefer to wear ones that are more like tank tops or something with shorter sleeves. When longer ones, she will actually push them up a bit. Shes someone who does not like things that are tight around her wrist.
I think that you are going to find shes someone with a good level of confidence, someone who believes that she can. Shes always wanting to help where she can. If you have something for her to do, shes there. During her summer breaks they show her doing more of an "office' type job for a family member. So a company that they own or run, and she kinda helps during her vacation for extra cash.
They show her having her hair cut to just past her shoulders. Shes usually just tucking it back behind her ear. I see a heart shaped type face, and really pretty eyes.. more light in color.
When it comes to your daughter, they show her as someone who is very likable, someone who is the type to take charge of a situation, shes not easily distracted and seems to love stuffed animals. I see her loving makeup and really seems to love lipstick and lip gloss. shes always really girly and loves to carry around a purse
When it comes to career paths, they show her working in an office type setting
when ti comes to marriage i see her closer to 21, they will have two girls of their own.
let me know if you have any questions
Thanks
Cheri

I am sure you all have some thoughts!! But this is something I just wanted to share with you, not as a serious, "I know its going to happen" thing, but just as an interesting thing. Thanks guys.

So after talking to Cheri a little bit more we have concluded, which was my suspicion anyway, that the girl she is talking about is Tina. She described her exactly. So she is working on another reading for me. I will post that when she's done!!

Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you. ~Marsha Norman

Abbreviations

A few people have mentioned to me that they are having trouble with my abbreviations. I'm sorry for that! In the beginning I was just writing this blog for myself, so abbreviations and spelling mistakes didn't really matter to me, but I have since developed a small following. Since most of you haven't been down the TTC (trying to conceive) road that I have you have not learned all the abbreviations and lingo. So I will try from now on to explain myself in better detail. I also am going to give you a couple of websites to help explain if I forget or even explain older posts, since I am not going to go back and correct them all. :) We are so happy to have you guys join us in this journey, where ever it may lead. My cystic fibrosis screening came back negative!

http://www.babysnark.com/glossary/glossary.asp

http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about50471.html

She's Here!!!

Dr. R. was right on the money I guess my af came today!!! Which means I start my clomid on Tuesday!! Yay!! I'm so excited. Just wanted to let all of you know that have been patiently awaiting my announcing it. It's weird to announce to people that your period is here. lol This whole TTC thing has really changed my life!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

So I am now on day 42 of my cycle with no AF in sight yet. I went in on Tuesday morning for all my blood work. Angela, Dr. R's nurse, called me back today with the results. I do NOT have diabetes, I am resistant to rubella, I am blood type A+, and my fasting glucose was 89. Which is all wonderful news!! My glucose could be a little lower so I am going to have to work on that and make sure I am sticking to a low GI diet. I am thrilled. I also am NOT pregnant, my progesterone was 12 meaning I did ovulate this cycle. So no Provera for me. I am just having to wait it out. They cysts probably made my cycle a little longer than it should be. Hopefully I will start sometime next week or so. The doctor is reviewing my results right now and if she has any recommendations she will call me with those too and I will update with them. All in all I am very happy for what I found out! So I am taking the wait and see approach to this. I also have a cystic fibrosis screening which she said she will call me about in a couple weeks and I have some tests to have run on days 2 or 3 of my cycle. When I have a cycle. According to Dr. R I should start by Monday. All in all very very optimistic about this. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and eats lots and lots of turkey!!!

To the lamp of love: may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial. ~Author Unknown

Wishing, and Hoping

I am still waiting on my af to come. I filled my clomid prescription today and I called my RE to see if she would order provera for me. I am so impatient. I want it now!!!! I really just want to move on with everything. I really haven't been doing anything, but I now officially have lost 59 pounds!!! So proud of myself. I will post a before and after shot so you can see. I am much happier this time around then I was before. I have strep throat right now and it's killing me!! That's about all thats going on for me!

Before

After


Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Bored to Death

As you may have guessed I am bored out of my mind and waiting to start a new cycle, and I thought I would just talk a little to you all about infertility. I really just wanted to write something about what infertility has meant to me and what it has changed about me. Honestly 5 years or even 3 years ago I could not have seen myself in this place and so devestated. 3 years ago I had had one miscarriage and was told that it was normal, miscarriages are a normal part of life. My little girl or boy would have been 6 in August, there is nothing to me that is normal about any of this. I was always told that my irregular periods and pain were a result of weight, even when I was a normal weight, it was all brushed aside. I really didnt know any better, but I should NOT have let them do that to me, and now I know. I should have demanded testing or a 2nd opinion, but it's all too little too late now.

Now I am dealing with years of not getting treatment for a treatable disease that I have. Now I am finally getting back on track with everything, and yet still I struggle with the fact every day that I lost 4 babies. Who were all very real to me. I also struggle with the fact that I may never be a mother and my husband may never be a father. He assures me we will be ok, we will survive. Me, I'm not so sure. What do you do when you can't do the one thing that you want more than anything in life?? I could find something different to want I suppose, but I am genetically programmed to want a baby, to need a baby. Not being able to have that kills me. It kills me to see people that do have that, that do not appreciate it one bit.

Yes we have options, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, but those options cost money. LOTS of money. That we just dont have. So I'm left with this, doing what I can do while I can do it. I just have to be happy with that.

So here is my thought for this week. I dont want people who have kids to be less happy because I dont have them. Just remember that there are millions of other people out there like me, struggling to make it day to day to day. So if I decline to come to a birthday party for your 6 year old, it's not you. Or if I dont show up at your baby shower or to meet your new baby, it's not you. I just am doing what I can to preserve the one shred of emotional stablity I am clinging to. The person I was 5 years ago is NOT the person I am now. Infertility have affected me and invaded my life like a disease, but I will say that I am a better person for it. I am more kind and understanding. I am more patient and tolerant. I've always loved children, but I love them even more now then I did before. Knowing that I may never have my own children makes the time I get to spend with other peoples children that much more precious to me. All in all I know this sounds crazy, but I am glad this happened to me in a way, because I like the person I am now a whole lot better than the person I used to be.

Read about infertility. The more you know! Right!!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infertility/DS00310


Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. ~Author Unknown

Clomid Again!

We are waiting to move on with our treatments now. We have not really made any decisions as of yet. I am planning to do just a couple of clomid cycles before we do the hybrid cycle because I need to get a lot of blood work and stuff done. We also need to figure out how we are going to finance all of it. We have to have a lot of visits and they are almost $300 a visit, plus the $1700 for the drugs. So while we figure it out I am just going to be taking clomid. I am on day 22 of my cycle now, but my RE doesnt think I will start a new cycle for at least another week. So we will see how everything progresses. Just thought I would update a little bit. I am so not looking forward to what clomid does to me, so I am sorry in advance for being emotional or just plain in a bad mood a lot of the time, because that's what clomid did for me before.