The are so many things I never knew about TTC before we were actively trying. I actually thought that once we decided to get pregnant that it would just happen within a few months and I had NO idea that it would take YEARS.
- I never knew that getting pregnant wasn't our decision, it is God's decision.
- I never knew that you only had about a 12 hour window every month to get pregnant.
- I never knew that it takes about 5,000 things going RIGHT for conception to happen.
- I never knew that I would miss babies I never even had.
- I never knew that I would be so jealous of women I didn't even know who got pregnant.
- I never noticed there were so many unfit mothers out there.
- I never knew that the look on my husband's face every month when my AF comes, would break my heart completely and scar my soul.
- I never knew I had PCOS, or that I was overweight for a REASON.
- I never knew that I would buy things for a baby I didnt even have or that I would give all those things away after my 4th miscarriage.
- I never knew that when I see that first little bit of AF every month that I would break down, again and again.
- I never knew that a babies face would be so beautiful to me.
- I never knew that when a pregnant friend who I love wanted me to feel their baby kick I would be frozen in HORROR.
- I never knew that so many people would see my vagina to the point that I really wouldnt care anymore or have time to be embarrassed.
- I never knew that my married sex life would turn into something that is timed and dated and that I have to talk to my doctor about every detail of it.
- I never knew that I would have to get up every morning at 7 a.m. just to take my temperature.
- I never knew that I would examine every sign and wonder if it was a sign of pregnancy.
- I never knew how bad I would feel for not being able to do something that it feels like everyone in the world can do but me.
- I never knew I would meet such great women along the way who have shown me what true friendship is, some who I've never met in person.
- I never knew I would cry and feel so overwhelmed for someone else's BFP!
- I never knew I would have to give myself shots, that hurt.
- I never knew the monster that fertility meds would turn me into.
- I never knew anything about cervix's, uterus's, fallopian tubes, follicles, or artificial insemination.
- I never knew that I would skip out on people's baby showers and birthday's because it is too painful.
- I never knew that we would become that "infertile" couple that people whisper about and say "They cant have kids."
- I never knew that having a baby could cost so much $$$$$$$$.
- I never knew that "just relaxing" is all I would need to get pregnant. (sarcastic)
- I never knew the totally different person I would become because of infertility, or that I would like this person so much more.
- I never knew that all of this would bring me so much closer to the Lord and so much stronger in my faith.
I know that no matter how much I WANT something out of life God is only going to give me what I NEED. When I first started writing this blog there were not many resources out there on the internet or beyond for people like me to turn to. I was lucky to find one small group of women on a babycenter board and a best friend in real life who knew the pain of infertility. I started writing this for myself to let me express my feelings but to also let other people know they are not alone. Whatever the crisis is in your life, I hope we can all find comfort in God, in our Family and in our unbelievable friends.
God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown
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9 comments:
Amen sister! So true. and I absolutely love this one "I never knew that so many people would see my vagina to the point that I really wouldnt care anymore or have time to be embarrassed"
I know exactly how you feel.
Courtney, Each time I read one of your posts they really touch me. I am not so good with words. I am sorry for this journey you are having to take trying ttc. You are right we all just take it for granted that when we decide it will happen it is God who decides. Trust in that plan, I know you do and it inspires me.
Thank you ladies!!! Meredith you are such an inspiration to me, We have been on this journey together from almost the beginning. :) I really value your friendship.
Monica, thank you so much. You always leave such sweet and thoughtful comments and it means a lot to me!
I love this! I can't pretend to know what you are going through, and can only imagine the pain involved. Know that I pray for you and James on a regular basis and can't wait to celebrate the day that is happens for you!
I love you Courtney!
this journey will only make you a better mother. So many people take having kids for granted. You WILL be a wonderful mother to your baby!! Love you!!
All I can say is this is your year. I just know it!!!! Keep the faith. God will bless you. This will make you a better mom. Keep your chin up.
I never knew that "just relaxing" is all I would need to get pregnant. (sarcastic)
I know how this one feels, I hated hearing this one. MAYBE, for some, but not those who have problems. Keep your chin up!!!!!!
Courtney, I cried reading your blog today, not only because I have felt your pain, know what you are going through but because even today I feel the same way you do still even though I am not actively ttc. It is one of the hardest things to face looking at my kids I know that I am blessed, through all the trials and tribulations it is hard to look at them and know it will never happen again, not because it truely can't but because I am too afraid that I couldn't face the reality of it all month after month again. Your blog said everything I feel still daily, I too feel more than blessed to have stumbled across the board and find such a wonderful group of ladies who can honestly say "I understand" or "I feel your pain", those words have never been ones I want to hear from a single person who doesn't honestly know how it feels.
We love you Courtney, hang in there honey because great things happen to those who wait and your wait has been long enough. We are always there!
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