I found out in June that I was actually pregnant, but soon after I realized I was I started to miscarry the pregnancy. So that, our 3rd pregnancy ended in miscarriage. It was so devestating and heartbreaking. Something that I wanted for so long just kept slipping right through my fingers and I could never grasp it fully. We decided then to take a break from TTC. That was almost 9 months ago. I had an appointment with a new fertility doctor last week and she wanted to try some new treatments and medications. I just dont know what we are going to do yet. I dont know if I can go through this again. The euphoria of starting a new treatment, the standardization of your most private moments, the appointments, the nervous waiting the 2ww to find out if you are pregnant and the agony of finding out you're not, yet again. It's all just so overwhelming to think about, and to think that you have to chose to go through that is even harder. We really really want a baby more than anything, but to do it at the expense of yourself and your family is a hard decision to make. I wish it would happen naturally like it does for everyone else in the free world.
So whether or not to take the new drugs and start the process over again is the question. Do we do it?? or do was just give up?? I guess my heart is just so broken it's hard to see which way to go. I would never want to give up, but one's heart can only take so much before its broken forever.
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. Blaise Pascal
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