Reality; It's here!!

I haven't posted in awhile but I wanted everyone to know we are still here and still not pregnant of course. As of right now we are taking a break, an indefinite one. After over a year on clomid and other drugs I just want a break. I ovulated normally this month without the drugs and I had a pretty large follicle. I had a lot of pain after ovulation that felt like ovulation pain, but lasted for a few days, I went to the doctor and had a sonogram and everything looked fine. She could not determine the cause for my pain but about 3 days later it was gone. It was very very painful though. I know people keep telling me, maybe you'll take a break and it will happen for you or I know it is meant to happen for you, but the truth is there are thousands of infertile couples who remain childless. Since we can't afford the 21, 000 it would cost to do IVF right now and we cant afford the $50, 000 it costs to adopt an infant. We are stuck. I am absolutely devestated that it has not worked out the way I wanted it to and heartbroken, but I know I will get over most of that as time goes by. We still are going to try to save money to do IVF, but that is really probably 5 years away. i know everyone means well by saying it will happen for us, but realistically I just can't hold out for that. We can't constatly live our lives wondering "what if". There is a difference in keeping a positive attitude and setting yourself up for disappointment. I am done doing that. I seriously and honestly want children of our own biologically more than anything, but not at the expense of the children we already have or at the expense of our marriage & I am not going to live in a cardboard box to achieve my dreams. So that is what's going on with us. I'm sorry if this sounds really pessimestic, I waited a long time to write it because I didnt want it to come off that way. We just all need to be realistic now.